Common Respect – Positive Change Starts with You

Positive Change Starts with You

Together we can create a more collaborative country by starting with respectful conversations. Common Respect created the Pledge and Conversation Guide to help achieve that goal.

The Pledge

1. Speak with Respect

Use respectful language when speaking to or about other people and groups. Show your fellow Americans the same respect you would like to receive.

2. Listen to Understand

Actively listen without judgment to gain deeper understanding.
Look for common values and concerns.

3. Seek Positive Outcomes

Be proactive and start productive conversations or projects. We each have the ability to change things for the better.

The Guide

The Common Respect Conversation Guide can help you have better discussions on sensitive topics.

Conversation Guide

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#1 Invitation

Invite someone to have a friendly 15-30 minute conversation on a topic of which you may not agree.

#2 Setting

Choose a relaxing setting and try to be in a calm and rested state of mind.

#3 Intentions

State that your intentions are to better understand them rather than change their mind.

#4 Fully Listen

Give them your full attention with an open mind. Hopefully you will learn something new or better understand them.

#5 Stay Curious

Ask questions without judgement that will help you understand how they arrived at their views.

#6 Don't Rush

Allow them time to go deeper in their sharing and wait until they are done speaking.

#7 Clarify

Respectfully summarize their main points to show you understand and thank them for sharing.

#8 Your Turn

If they seem receptive then share your views. Relate your personal experience and understanding of the subject.

#9 Agreement

Point out areas of agreement or any new or interesting information you learned from them.

#10 Disagreement

Respectfully share any important areas of disagreement and why you believe as you do.

#11 Positive Outcomes

Was there anything you discussed that could lead to mutually beneficial solutions or actions?

Thank you

Respectfully understanding those you disagree with takes patience and generosity. Your actions make a difference.

Conversation Guide

swipe left to view

#1 Invitation

Invite someone to have a friendly 15-30 minute conversation on a topic of which you may not agree.

#2 Setting

Choose a relaxing setting and try to be in a calm and rested state of mind.

#3 Intentions

State that your intentions are to better understand them rather than change their mind.

#4 Fully Listen

Give them your full attention with an open mind. Hopefully you will learn something new or better understand them.

#5 Stay Curious

Asking questions without judgement will help you understand how they arrived at their views.

#6 Don't Rush

Allow them time to go deeper in their sharing and wait until they are done speaking.

#7 Clarify

Respectfully summarize their main points to show you understand and thank them for sharing.

#8 Your Turn

If they seem receptive then share your views. Relate your personal experience and understanding of the subject.

#9 Agreement

Point out areas of agreement or any new or interesting information you learned from them.

#10 Disagreement

Respectfully share any important areas of disagreement and why you believe as you do.

#11 Positive Outcomes

Was there anything you discussed that could lead to mutually beneficial solutions or actions?

Thank you

Respectfully understanding those you disagree with takes patience and generosity. Your actions make a difference.

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Sample Questions

What are your views on the topic?
What led you to feel that way?
What are you most concerned with about the topic?
What is your ideal outcome?
What solutions appeal to you?
How would you implement those solutions?
Are there other options that might work?
What are you most hopeful about the topic?

Disagreement Tips

Here are some ways to phrase a disagreement respectfully. Start by thanking them for sharing.

“You may be right. My concern is…” (most agreeable)
“My concern is…” (does not invalidate)
“I am not sure if I agree” (indirect disagree)
“I disagree for these reasons” (respectfully disagree)

Additional Tips

Consider starting with an easy topic or personal questions about them that can help you gain rapport.
Treat the conversation as a dialogue rather than a debate.
Avoid ‘Why’ questions as they can sound judgmental.
Don’t generalize the views of people in other groups as they may not all agree.
Don’t use loaded terms like conspiracy, stupid, crazy, lefties etc.
Avoid raising your voice, name-calling, mocking, or negative body language.
If a conversation becomes overly heated or either one of you cannot control their anger, take a break or politely end the conversation.
It is okay if you did not agree afterwards. New information can take time to absorb and understanding is the true purpose of the conversation.

Inspiration

This short inspiring video shows just how transformational respectful communication and actions can be. Darly Davis has helped over 200 KKK members renounce their membership.

About

Common Respect was created by Jesse Karras, a graphic designer who felt the need to do something to positively change the direction of our political conversations. After much research he came up with this simple but transformational idea. Pledge Common Respect and share it with others. Thank you for your support.